Titan Clydebank Crane

So we decided to pay a visit to the recently renovated Titan Clydebank Crane.

Easily accessible by car or public transport, this is a fun way to enjoy a glimpse into the history of ship-building on the Clyde.
From the ticket booth a courtesy bus takes us along the river to the foot of the crane.
A recorded voice, which a fellow visitor identifies as actor Bill Paterson, describes our surroundings.
At the crane there is a smart little gift shop with souvenirs and coffee.
A lift takes us to the top, from where the views are spectacular.
If you are of a slightly queasy disposition it is best not to look down at your feet, as the floor is of a lattice or open grid construction which allows you to see the ground far below!

There is a guide up here – Mary, on the day we visited - who is available to talk about the history and construction of the crane, and to point out the landmarks in the surrounding countryside, but equally happy to leave you to explore alone.

This leaves her free to watch the police launch check the river banks for whatever police launches check river banks for.

Inside the wheel-house you can inspect the machinery close-up, and view the photographic exhibition detailing the history of John Brown’s shipyard.

The Titan Clydebank Crane is a 150 foot high marvel of Scottish engineering.
It sits on the north bank of the River Clyde, in the town of Clydebank (hence the name!) and lies about half-way between Glasgow city centre and Dumbarton.
The crane was built by Arrols of Dalmarnock, Glasgow, in 1907 for John Brown & Company Ltd, Clydebank Engineering and Shipbuilding Works.
It is the oldest crane of its type in the world.

Technical Stuff
The cantilever is 240 feet in length, the long arm being 150 feet and the shorter one 90 feet.
It sits on a tower of four columns pitched 40 feet apart at the base and tapering to 35 feet at the top, and revolves on a live-ring and steel rollers 124 feet from the ground.
The Titan was equipped with two hoists.
The main hoist could lift loads up to 150 tons, and operated at very slow speeds – maximum 5 feet per minute.
The auxiliary hoist handled loads up to 30 tons, at much increased speeds.

In the 1950’s a high speed 5 ton ‘jigger’ hoist was added.

The Titan was electrically powered throughout, although at that time steam-powered cranes were still being built.
Electricity meant that the crane was entirely controlled by one man, the driver, although a ‘greaser’ also worked on it, keeping the machinery fully lubricated.
The foundations consist of 4 steel cylinders each 10 feet in diameter, but belled out to 13 feet at their base.
They were sunk to a depth of 75 feet.

Only 60 Giant cantilever cranes were built world-wide, and as of 2007 14 remained.
Five of these are on the Clyde and one at Rosyth. The others are in England (3), USA (2), Japan (2) and Australia.

The Views

The crane provides a fascinating insight to the historical significance of ship-building on the River Clyde, as well as panoramic views to Dumbuck Quarry in the west, the Kilpatrick Hills to the north and Glasgow, the Airport and the River Cart to the east and south.

The Ships

In the intervening years, many great ships were built here.
A few examples:
1968 QE2, the Queen Elizabeth 2, flagship of the Cunard line from 1969 to 2004
1967 Intrepid, took part in the Falklands campaign
1953 HMY Britannia, the Royal Yacht of Queen Elizabeth II
1949 Destroyer Diamond, John Brown’s first all welded ship (not riveted), served in Suez
1942 HMS Indefatigable, aircraft carrier, present at formal surrender of Japanese in Tokyo Bay, September 1945
1936 RMS Queen Elizabeth, luxury liner, served as troop carrier in WWII
1934 RMS Queen Mary, luxury liner, Cunard flagship and Blue Riband holder
1931 RMS Empress of Britain, largest passenger ship built in UK, owned by Canadian Pacific Steamship Company, the largest ship sunk by a U-boat (1940)
1918 HMS Hood, the last battlecruiser to be built for RN, sunk by German battleship Bismarck in 1941
1916 HMS Repulse, battlecruiser, sunk by Japanese in 1941 off Malaya

RMS Queen Mary from Wikimedia Commons

Photograph by David Jones from Isle of Wight, United Kingdom









Lusitania

As a point of interest, immediately prior to the acquisition of the Titan, John Brown in 1906 launched RMS Lusitania.

This record-breaking ship was en route from New York to Liverpool when it was sunk by German torpedoes in 1915 with the loss of 1,198 lives.
Public outrage on both sides of the Atlantic meant that this was a major influence on the USA’s decision to enter WW1.

The Blitz

In 1941 the shipyard was targeted by the German Luftwaffe.
The blitz of 13 and 14 March largely destroyed the town of Clydebank, causing the worst destruction and civilian loss of life in all of Scotland.
Records show that 528 people died, 617 people were seriously injured, and hundreds more were injured by blast debris.
The shipyard escaped any serious damage.
4,000 houses were completely destroyed and 4,500 severely damaged, leaving over 35,000 people homeless.
Out of a total of 12,000 houses, only seven remained undamaged.
Attached is a map showing the damage caused on those dreadful nights.

http://www.tommckendrick.com/code/blitzmap1.htm

Scottish Engineering

Well, it is time for a wee plug.

Scotland is famous for its engineers, e.g.:
John Logie Baird (1888-1946) – inventor of television, from Helensburgh
Henry Bell (1767–1830) – pioneer of steamship development, notably The Comet
Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922) – inventor of telephone and much more
James Watt (1736-1819) – developed the steam engine and the concept of horsepower
John Dunlop (1840-1921) – developed first inflatable tyre
Kirkpatrick MacMillan (1812-1878) – the bicycle
James Clerk Maxwell (1831-1879) – electro-magnetism
Robert Watson-Watt (1892-1973) – radar
John Loudon Macadam (1756-1836) – roads
Thomas Telford (1757-1834) – roads, bridges, canals
Steve Conway (1959-) – Channel Tunnel
Robert Stevenson (1772-1850), and his sons and grandsons - lighthouses
And, of course,
Montgomery Scott (2222-) – Chief Engineer, Starship Enterprise

Note: This is in no way an exhaustive list, just some personal favourites. Apologies in advance for any omissions.

The End

In 1972 the shipbuilding era came to an end.

The regeneration of this area is now, at long last, underway.
This visit was inspiring and saddening, but most of all thought-provoking.
A unique insight to Scotland, past and present.
Well worth a look when you have a couple of free hours.

Haircut Horrors

AnElephantCant pretend that we are au fait
With the practices of old Istanbul
Now you may be right
We are not too bright
But please don't think we are anyone's fool

In our home town of Helton-upon-Sea
There is a new barber shop in the offing
We hope that this Turk
Doesn't smoke when he works
So his hand will not shake with the coughing

We hear Turkish barbers clean by burning
All the hairs in your facial orifices
We are not afraid
But it has to be said
The idea brings large lumps to our oesophaguses

You know AnElephant has rather large flappers
Like wee Noddy's old buddy Big Ears
The thought of some mug
With a match near our lug
Somehow darkens our darkest dark fears

And if he comes near our proboscis
We would surely be in a blue funk
We're not scared to lose
Maybe one or two toes
But we're sunk if we damage our trunk

So we will take double care with our good bits

And if this new barber decides
That we look a mess
We will say oh yes
Please give us a short back and sides

public transport

AnElephantCant go on a choo-choo
Apparently that’s just not allowed
We think that you’ll find
His considerable behind
Makes him stand out a bit from the crowd

In Wales they don’t even let horses
Ride on their trains because as they say
If you’ve got four feet
You can run down the street
On public transport you get in the way

So dogs are allowed if on leashes
Or anything you can put in a box
So squirrels or mice
Bed bugs or head lice
And they’re fine with my friend Phil the Fox

It does seem a bit arbitrary
To carry commuters or football supporters
But we don’t take the hump
We’re a big heffelump
It’s not like we’re wee lambs to the slaughter

Animal smuggling

AnElephantCant condone animal smuggling
He thinks this an enormous disgrace
A chap from Thailand
Clearly not a nice man
Had a pile of wee tots in his case

He had leopard cubs, panthers and monkeys
In his luggage and even a bear
This just is not funny
There is not enough money
To justify this lack of care

So what do we do to prevent this?
What punishment do you think is due?
We don’t do persecution
But a fair substitution
Might be twenty five years in a zoo!

Wembley 1961

AnElephantCant forget all the heartache
And the tears from those long ago days
When our team headed over the border
Overburdened with false hopes and praise

They travelled from all over Scotland
From Inverness Dalkeith and Busby
On hearing the score one wee fella cried
I thought it was next week for the rugby!

Once again we believed we could beat them
Once again it was pearls before swine
Our brave laddies soon rattled in 3 goals
Alas the Sassenach battered in nine

We used to be no’ bad at the fitba’
There was one thing that we learnt too slowly
If you want to compete with the big guys
Then it’s better to play with a goalie

But we are a remarkable nation
We do not react well to oppression
So our stunning response to this setback
Was to beat them three times in succession

Aye we had some great players in those days
The Lawman Slim Jim and St John
But even though it is 50 years later
We remember April 15th 1961

Ode to Spring

AnElephantCant stop looking out of the window
At the cold when he is cosy inside
As long as he stays in
The outlook’s amazing
Three miles across the great River Clyde

When it’s bleak - which is pretty much always -
Rain and hail swirl thick as fish stew
Clouds hanging low
Wind-driven snow
A combination to obscure any view

Then he sees the ferry come round from Kilcreggan
And the subs heading up to the base
Gulls on the wing
The first hint of spring
And crocuses bring a smile to his face

Sunny Helton-upon-Sea is a fun spot
You can easily pop down for a day
By car or by train
Or a boat o’er the main
And Loch Lomond is just minutes away

There’s a pier and a beach for the kiddies
There are places to go for your tea
Abandon your regime
And have a wee ice cream
In sunny Helton-upon-Sea

But there is a cloud for each silver lining
Trepidation makes AnElephant’s knees knock
A tear comes to his eye
When sunshine brightens the sky
He can see all the way over to Greenock!

Spurious Apostrophe Donation Society

AnElephantCant get the confusion
With apostrophes - why where and when
So let us set out a few simple rules
So they are never misused ever again

An apostrophe lets you know something is missing
Let’s all be quite clear about that
It also indicates the possessive
Cat’s pyjamas are the pyjamas of Cat

No apostrophe in a possessive pronoun
Yours ours his hers or its
But you will see it’s appearing in this word
To show that the ‘i’ is missing from ‘is’

Now you do have to understand one thing
We’ll make it as big and as clear as a mural
An apostrophe can be used for a good many things
But it is never to be used in a plural

Now there may well be pedants among you
Who question this extraordinary rant
When there is clearly an apostrophe missing
Which just proves that AnElephantCant

Taxation vexation

AnElephantCant fiddle his taxes
He is honest as his trunk is long
He doesn’t earn much
A few peanuts and such
But he knows tax evasion is wrong

He understands we all must contribute
To fund things like the National Health
To cure flu and rabies
Deliver healthy babies
Is worth a fraction of everyone’s wealth

Now most folk pay out of their wages
Small companies must follow the rules
We pay old age pensions
Keep crooks in detention
Put out fires and send children to school

But the problem lies with our most successful
Big companies who make money in stacks
Out of our top seven hundred
One third can’t be scunnered
Our biggest businesses pay no UK tax

The elite fly around in their choppers
They call Monaco or Switzerland home
They don’t care for the old
Or if children are cold
Their cash gets channelled tax-free to their gnomes

One quarter of all wealth on this earth
Is held off-shore in numbered accounts
No interest in famine
The rich keep on scamming
Our money to make their world go round

When our Davie has got a wee problem
The money keeps slipping away
He deals his best card
It isn’t too hard
A retailer knows just how to play

AnElephantCant provide a solution
To the iniquity inflicted by these
But here’s a wee thought
Why not tax the whole lot
On the cash their wives ship overseas?

Coulport - privatisation fiasco

AnElephantCant raise several billion
Of pounds that is oodles and oodles
So with a little support
We will just buy Coulport
With some rhymes and a few of Phil’s doodles

We’ll turn the place into a theme park
Invite kids from Arrochar Tarbet and Luss
It’s quite hard to reach
Loch Long’s stony beach
Perhaps the Council will lay on a bus?

The kids can take turns firing rockets
They can aim them at Russia or Spain
At 3 shots for a bob
That will be just the job
To stop our taxes being poured down the drain

AnElephantCant abide nuclear weapons
We have our own ultimate deterrent
No enemy can survive
Our midges and pies
Or a fortnight where the folk at The Fair went

Now Phil does some stuff that Walt Disney
He can draw missiles and stealth subs and stuff
We don’t want the Yanks
Owning our bonnie banks
So let’s tell them enough is enough

If the Americans take over Coulport
We must ask what else they might do
Will they conquer Rosneath
Garelochhead and beneath
Jings crivvens they’re heading for Rhu

Our plan is to keep the Clyde Scottish
And say no to the big Yankee bucks
No Hershey bars here
No Miller Lite beer
Just Irn Bru and a tea cake from Tunnocks

So let’s enjoy Scotland’s best day out at Coulport
See the foxes the seals and the deer
If enough people come
It will go like a bomb
All good fun - there is nothing to fear ……..

export drive

AnElephantCant halt the recession
We think that is Camelegg’s job
But we’re beginning to increase our exports
And to generate quite a few bob

We have received two Australian orders
Both of them strangely from Perth
They noticed our books on the website
And said please send them to the ends of the earth

So now we are growing famous Down Under
(and we don’t want to hear any rude jokes)
We know we’re not Slessor or Livingstone
We’re not sure we can civilize folks

There is a long-standing Scottish tradition
To explore educate cure and feed
Eric Liddell would find this quite a challenge
AnElephantCant teach an Aussie to read!

Gun law

Gun law

AnElephantCant quite grasp the concept
An Elephant hears a story that vexes
But he isn't the one
Who is carrying a gun
Into the government building in Texas

There are queues to get through the detectors
But you can walk right on by with your pass
With your Colt on your hip
It allows you to skip
Straight inside to prove this law is an ass

If they know you are carrying a weapon
Then you don't have to queue to be searched
For one that's concealed
You have a clear field
To shoot politicians like birds off a perch

Now they could try this in Westminster
But then again no perhaps not
Imagine the crowd
The place would be stowed
We would all be lining up for a shot!

Trunk Calls

AnElephantCant rely on his email
His laptop or broadband go down
So he is making a plan
As an Elephant can
He is no technological clown

There’s an old fashioned method called writing
It’s much easier to learn than you think
The Chinese used feathers
To mark down their letters
But he can use pencils or ink

He just pops his mail into a post-box
And it will get where it’s going next day
So no need to worry
Is he in such hurry
Has he got anything real urgent to say?

In an emergency he can use the telephone
It saves someone deciphering his scrawl
Wherever they are
No matter how near or far
An Elephant can employ a trunk call

So let’s remember alternative methods
Of telling our friends how our daily life goes
We can always write
Or phone them at night
So much safer than those broken Windows