Friday 31 December 2010

winter woes


AnElephantCant stay warm in winter
He has trouble finding bed-socks his size
He needs a giant hotty
To warm his mammoth botty
And his duvet’s a big top in disguise

To wrap up AnElephant is not easy
He has tusks and big ears and a tail
It takes more than aspirin
To stop him a-gasp-er-ing
But on the bright side he is robust and not frail

AnElephantCant shake a head cold
An earache brings great consternation
So when he comes near
The thing we most fear
Is the prospect of giant sternutation

Yes when he sneezes it is like a tornado
Or an earthquake and this is the truth
His explosive emissions
Guarantee demolition
Of windows and chimneys and roofs

So AnElephant is best kept indoors
When the sleet and the snow start to fall
A wee drop of toddy
Safeguards his old body
And brings safety and comfort to all

Thursday 23 December 2010

merry whatsit

AnElephantCant stay calm when its Xmas
All those presents on a sleigh with reindeer
He keeps asking his mum
Will Santa get down the lum?
Close your eyes, dream sweet dreams, never fear

He loves Xmas trees decorated with tinsel
Mince pies, jelly, and seasonal cheer
Cards, toys from Santa
From AnElephantCant a
Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year

Friday 8 October 2010

me and philio down by the schoolyard

Picture of Phil at Arrochar Primary.

Got invited to Arrochar Primary School, practically on the banks of Loch Lomond, where there is an ongoing situation regarding transport for the little ones to get to school. Argyll & Bute Council, in their infinite wisdom, decree that a 2-mile walk along a narrow road used by heavy transport vehicles and passing under a bridge with 18 inch pavements is safe for 5 year-olds.
Everyone is appalled and deeply concerned except the elected representatives of the people.
Well, golly gosh, I guess they know best.
Anyway, AnElephantCant (me and Phil) went up to 'entertain' the children of primary I & II (5/6 year olds).
13 children in, 3 off today.
Read Jack the little Giant and the Clock Tower. With Phil's 'help'.
He and the kids acted out parts of the story. The kids were good. Nuff said.
Then Phil did drawing class, charcoal on huge rolls of paper. Very messy.
Phil can draw. Some kids very artistic. And me. Oh, well.
Read poem My Granny keeps pigeons (appended).
Everyone including teachers with paper napkins on head.
When you say 'keeps PIGEONS' you simultaneously try to blow the napkin off your head.
Really silly. Great fun.

Due to demand from audience, read story again.
Anarchy in classroom as kids run up hill, skip thru park, climb over wall, and pretend to be an elephant, giraffe, kangaroo, hippo and crocodile.
Phil rubbish at this, kids great.
Got told about children's dogs, grannies, cats, friends, mummies and daddies (some good stuff here!).
Got invited back by the kids (not the staff!)
Got invited home with some children.
Bless 'em.
Great day out!

My Granny Keeps Pigeons

My wee granny is a pleasant wee granny
And my pleasant wee granny keeps pigeons
The pigeons paddle in the puddles
And they piddle in the puddles
The pigeons paddle and they piddle in the puddles

My wee granny is a pretty wee granny
And my pretty wee granny keeps pigeons
The pigeons paddle in the puddles
And they pooh in the puddles
The pigeons paddle and they pooh in the puddles

My wee granny is a perfect wee granny
And my perfect wee granny keeps pigeons
The pigeons paddle in the puddles
And they piddle in the puddles
And then they pooh in the puddles as well
The pigeons paddle and they piddle and they pooh in the puddles
My wee granny doesn't like the smell

I am glad my granny doesn't keep ELEPHANTS!!!

Tuesday 18 May 2010

le sens de l'humour ecossais

pas trop drole, mais j'espere un peu amusant .....