Creative solution to knife crime

AnElephantCant ever condone violence
Or carrying a weapon with intent to wound
But Labour’s campaign
Is quite frankly insane
We have suggestions if you just stay tuned

Some folk carry knives for a purpose
Like an artist a joiner a chef
Tradesmen need their tools
The police would look fools
To arrest everyone with a weapon of death

No the punishment must provide the answer
To carrying chibs with intent to chib
If you carry a knife
To ruin someone’s life
Then it’s obvious you should get your dibs

So what we suggest is a contest
Where these idiots can stab as they like
Now this may sound cruel
A back sword fencing duel
Lets them pierce prod and jab with a spike

For an opponent we suggest some rich banker
Although sometimes we cannot call him that
And folk who’ve been mugged
By banks or by thugs
Can sit round and cheer tit for tat

Now Butch Cassidy laid down a precedent
For a knife fight there must be set rules
No need to be glum
Because only the bum
Can be stabbed in back sword fencing duels

Old folks who are robbed of their pensions
And young ones just treated like dirt
By neds in the street
Deserve a wee treat
To make up for the fear and the hurt

The audience will have bottles of Sarsons
Supplied free at back sword fencing matches
To amuse the crowd
They will be allowed
To splash it happily all over the scratches