Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Road Rage


AnElephantCant pretend he’s surprised
At the state of the roads in Argyll
It’s perfectly clear
When the winter’s severe
You can find hundreds of potholes per mile

A & B has the worst roads in Scotland
18% require urgent repair
No time to reflect
When your car is wrecked
That our council has failed to take care

The cost of repairs across Scotland
Is 2 billion pounds and a quarter
We pay council tax
But face up to facts
The life of your car just gets shorter

Should we fill in the potholes with porridge
Or fling in a haggis or three
You don’t need horoscopy
To know your poor jalopy
Could soon be a pile of debris

So it is time for us all to take action
We could fill in the holes one by one
Before things get worse
(If you’re not averse)
With a giant pile of elephant dung

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

breakfast in europe

Breakfast starts the perfect day

Pain au chocolat and café
Croissants avec confiture
The best way to begin your jour

La cocina is the place to be
Gran taza of herbal tea
Pan y queso quite a test
Now put your feet up have a rest

No point in getting stressed or tired
No sense making your brain all wired
Tranquilo international
Chill out and dream in Eurinal

Friday, 4 February 2011

Coulport - privatisation fiasco

AnElephantCant raise several billion
Of pounds that is oodles and oodles
So with a little support
We will just buy Coulport
With some rhymes and a few of Phil’s doodles

We’ll turn the place into a theme park
Invite kids from Arrochar Tarbet and Luss
It’s quite hard to reach
Loch Long’s stony beach
Perhaps the Council will lay on a bus?

The kids can take turns firing rockets
They can aim them at Russia or Spain
At 3 shots for a bob
That will be just the job
To stop our taxes being poured down the drain

AnElephantCant abide nuclear weapons
We have our own ultimate deterrent
No enemy can survive
Our midges and pies
Or a fortnight where the folk at The Fair went

Now Phil does some stuff that Walt Disney
He can draw missiles and stealth subs and stuff
We don’t want the Yanks
Owning our bonnie banks
So let’s tell them enough is enough

If the Americans take over Coulport
We must ask what else they might do
Will they conquer Rosneath
Garelochhead and beneath
Jings crivvens they’re heading for Rhu

Our plan is to keep the Clyde Scottish
And say no to the big Yankee bucks
No Hershey bars here
No Miller Lite beer
Just Irn Bru and a tea cake from Tunnocks

So let’s enjoy Scotland’s best day out at Coulport
See the foxes the seals and the deer
If enough people come
It will go like a bomb
All good fun - there is nothing to fear ……..