Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Nut Case

On the recent news that 2 adults sued their mother for being a bad parent

AnElephantCant really stop scratching
His head at our American chums
These kids sue their mum
You just know this is dumb
And it is certain that they are onto plums*

They take her to court for big payback
They say she has been bad to them
She didn’t send cash
She wasn’t that rash
We think that this lady should sue them

She told them to put on their seat belts
Do you think that infringes their rights?
No cash in a card
Oh gosh that is hard
We wonder how she sleeps at night

Now you may well feel sorry for children
Whose mummy does not give them plenty
Of loving and care
But this whinging pair
Are both of them aged over twenty

We have some advice for these people
Raised in a $1.5 million home
If you think life is tough
Then you don’t know snuff
So grow up and make a life of your own

In this country we call it brung-uppedness*
We don’t know if that’s a real word or not
But one way or another
You look after of your mother
If you’re American a Martian or a Scot

* to be onto plums – to have no chance of success
*brung-uppedness – upbringing, how you were raised

Sunday, 4 September 2011

A Letter from Old Edinburgh

AnElephantCant help ourself fretting
About the problems that Edinburgh faces
They’re in all sorts of jams
With their plans for their trams
But they aren’t getting to any good places

Now it seems that the reason for all this
Is the lack of accountability
City councillors agree
It’s no’ you and me
Do we just put it down to senility?

So does Edinburgh need a new heid yin?
A serious and responsible player
Not some comedian
Like Boris or Ken
But an elected and respected Mayor

Now AnElephantCant suggest who this could be
We don’t really know anyone famous
Let each voter say
I’m on my way
We could do worse than elect The Proclaimers

We know there are details to work on
At this point things are still a bit vague
But if we sack the council
To cut back the town’s bill
We can just afford Charlie and Craig

One thing is so certain with this plan
Although the rhymes will probably get badder
When they are away
In touch they will stay
Whether they are in Miami or Canada

Now their campaign will surely be great fun
They’ll bring laughter and a bundle of smiles
And they’ll be consistent
No matter how distant
These boys will walk 500 miles

Now we know you’re all bored by this subject
We guess that you’re sick to the teeth
But with these guys on board
We can all rest assured
Those trams will bring Sunshine to Leith

If no trams then an anthem for Embru
The good burghers can sing round the clock
A lively wee ditty
To cheer up the city
With the chorus of course I could walk

All together now:
Ta ra da ta ta ra da ta
Ta ra da ta ta ra da ta
Ta ra la da la la da la la da la la da la la