Thursday, 27 January 2011

don't drink and drive Montana style

Safety Thirst

AnElephantCant stop himself laughing
At this news from Montana of course
If you’ve been for a beer
And your vision’s unclear
Leave your wheels and go home on your horse

The Department of Transportation
Made a video to keep folks out of trouble
If you go to the bar
Don’t drive there in your car
Take your horse and relax with a double

Now it was not supposed to be literal
The nag was just shown as a metaphor
But this mountainous race
Took the advice at face
The analogy they didn’t get for sure

No surprise there’s a city called Glasgow
At the heart of this faraway land
A new breed of Weegie
Who crawl onto their gee-gee
And trot home when they’re too drunk to stand

AnElephantCant help thinking of worse things
You could do when you’ve polished your dram off
When it’s time to go
Don’t walk home in the snow
Hitch a ride on a big woolly mammoth

Saturday, 22 January 2011

export drive

AnElephantCant halt the recession
We think that is Camelegg’s job
But we’re beginning to increase our exports
And to generate quite a few bob

We have received two Australian orders
Both of them strangely from Perth
They noticed our books on the website
And said please send them to the ends of the earth

So now we are growing famous Down Under
(and we don’t want to hear any rude jokes)
We know we’re not Slessor or Livingstone
We’re not sure we can civilize folks

There is a long-standing Scottish tradition
To explore educate cure and feed
Eric Liddell would find this quite a challenge
AnElephantCant teach an Aussie to read!

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Solar power

AnElephantCant quite grasp the concept

Of solar power (because he’s a Scot)
Water power is just fine
Wind doesn’t blow his mind
But the shine from the sun? He thinks not

The Swiss have a solar-powered airplane
They think can do a 24-hour flight
We are happy they say
It will fly through the day
But won’t there be a problem at night?

AnElephantCant claim to be expert at flying
(Any jokes about Jumbos you’re thumped)
But if the power goes off
While the plane is aloft
Won’t it come back to earth with a bump?

Now the Swiss make great watches and chocolate
And on mountains they are expert on skis
But try as they might
This plane won’t fly at night
They might as well make it of cheese!

Gun law

Gun law

AnElephantCant quite grasp the concept
An Elephant hears a story that vexes
But he isn't the one
Who is carrying a gun
Into the government building in Texas

There are queues to get through the detectors
But you can walk right on by with your pass
With your Colt on your hip
It allows you to skip
Straight inside to prove this law is an ass

If they know you are carrying a weapon
Then you don't have to queue to be searched
For one that's concealed
You have a clear field
To shoot politicians like birds off a perch

Now they could try this in Westminster
But then again no perhaps not
Imagine the crowd
The place would be stowed
We would all be lining up for a shot!

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Trunk Calls

AnElephantCant rely on his email
His laptop or broadband go down
So he is making a plan
As an Elephant can
He is no technological clown

There’s an old fashioned method called writing
It’s much easier to learn than you think
The Chinese used feathers
To mark down their letters
But he can use pencils or ink

He just pops his mail into a post-box
And it will get where it’s going next day
So no need to worry
Is he in such hurry
Has he got anything real urgent to say?

In an emergency he can use the telephone
It saves someone deciphering his scrawl
Wherever they are
No matter how near or far
An Elephant can employ a trunk call

So let’s remember alternative methods
Of telling our friends how our daily life goes
We can always write
Or phone them at night
So much safer than those broken Windows