Wednesday, 29 June 2011

5 Minute Theatre

AnelephantCant - Phil and I - had the honour to be invited back to Greenburn School, East Kilbride to help the children and staff prepare a short piece of Live Theatre to celebrate the 5th birthday of The National Theatre of Scotland.

This is what Scottish Television had to say prior to the event:

The chosen work was based on a book called The Adventures of Jack the little Giant and the Clock Tower, written by me and brilliantly illustrated by Phil.
We are delighted to report that it is a favourite read at the school.

 On a previous visit we were amazed and hugely flattered to discover that the children had built a 10-foot tall giant specially for our workshop - we do readings and 'magic' art - and it totally dominated the proceedings!

This time it was much more interactive with the children providing the sounds and faces of the characters from the story. Even the audience entered into the spirit of the event by wearing masks to represent the animals in the story.

The performance was filmed LIVE by the National Theatre of Scotland and streamed LIVE to both their own and STV's websites:

Here it is!
Please take a few moments to watch and enjoy:

We thought that the children were wonderful, but please feel free to add your own comments to the video.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Florence Nightingale Syndrome

AnElephantCant always be serious
As we create exquisite Burnsian verses
We think you will find
We have focussed our mind
When some bloke has a pop at our nurses

This numpty who sits up on high
Says their uniforms must not be revealing
In their starchy white
They make us feel all right
No matter what’s broke or how bad we’re feeling

Every schoolboy has affection for nurses
They’re efficient and gentle and kind
Though it’s far in the past
These memories last
Some things you just can’t leave behind

These good ladies take care of our problems
When we are lying all bandaged in bed
AnElephant’s plea
Is just leave them be
Although we may be quite old we’re not dead

Monday, 20 June 2011

Boris in deep water

AnElephantCant dislike Boris Johnson
Although he may be as mad as a hatter
But we think this time
He has crossed a line
He decides that he wants Scottish water

The Mayor of London has very high standards
To source a product as important as this
We might have guessed
He would chose the best
To let us know he’s not just full of, erm, hot air

Now BoJo is an honourable chappie
Who pays a fair price for what he has bought
To warrant this fee
We’ll do thorough QC
To guarantee his water has been passed by a Scot

Monday, 13 June 2011

A Sheep called Shrek

AnElephantCant help shed a tear
For Shrek that most outrageous of sheep
He was one of a kind
Independent of mind
Who decided his wool he would keep

He just went to a cave up a mountain
The shearers all thought he was dead
But he hid like mad
In his wee secret pad
With his wool he had no need of a bed

When he decided to pop down for a haircut
They took off 30 kilos of fluff
In a couple of toots
You’d make 20 big suits
No way you can make up this stuff

Now the Kiwis are mourning our hero
Who kept half of the country quite cosy
This elephant is sad
Although also quite glad
At least this Merino wasn’t called Jose

Thursday, 9 June 2011

FIFA fo fum

AnElephantCant figure what’s happening
With all these strange goings-on at FIFA
They’re now sending for Kissinger
No don’t shoot the messenger
But we think they’d be better with Keifer

Jack Bauer would sort this out in no time
He’d soon rid us of President Blatter
We’ll say this about Sepp
He was never in debt
As his fat cats just sat and got fatter

It seems that there has been corruption
It is now splashed all over the press
A bung here and there
Are we being unfair
Or is it one gigantic unholy mess?

What this pachyderm finds so amusing
Is the source of this moral high roller
Not the Associations
Of footballing nations
But those guardians of youth - Coca Cola

Yes Coke and McDonalds are upset
This does not reflect well on their image
They don’t care who is greedier
Till it gets in the media
Now they react with great moral outrage

Mr K is above any suspicion
A Nobel-winning peace-loving giant
So don’t even think
There can be any link
Because Coke is listed as being his client

Monday, 6 June 2011

The Wobbly Tooth

Happy Birthday Jack

My grandson is five years old
He has a wobbly tooth
He is the best boy in the world
That is the simple truth

He takes me walking in the rain
He likes the stuff I bring him
He reads to me the books I wrote
He says he likes my singing

I got him a Magic set
And a book on animal pooh
His mum just shakes her head and says
Oh boys what can I do?

Each Monday I meet him from school
We have fun and eat ice cream
But I see that he is growing up
He has his own ideas and dreams

We no longer go on dragon hunts
We are too mature for that
Mammoths rest safe in tree top nests
I suppose I should be glad

Now dinosaurs and transformers
Are what he wants to see
And one thought torments this old mind
What if he outgrows me?

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Relocation of Edinburgh Castle

AnElephantCant help feeling sorry
For the problems that Princes Street faces
This great thoroughfare
Built with such care
In a city of such airs and graces

Edinburgh New Town was designed to be perfect
With George Street the jewel in the crown
But folk vote with their feet
And soon Princes Street
Was the most popular shopping in town

On a rock high above stands the castle
It is Scotland’s most desirable location
But one tourist said
While scratching his head
Why did you build it so close to the station?

Glasgow has its own retail problems
The old main streets are fast being closed
For each charity shop
An independent is chopped
And consumers are leaving in droves

Young mums prefer out of town centres
Where shopping is less of a pain
You drive there stress free
And park for no fee
Stroll around with no thought for the rain

We do have a solution to all this
We do not just trumpet for fun
The decline can be stopped
With a wee simple swap
Just listen to what can be done

Glasgow takes over the castle
And rebuilds it close to the river
It can’t be denied
That close to the Clyde
The locals would think it wiz jist pure dead clever

We give Edinburgh the St Enoch Centre
To locate where the castle now isn’t
A capital delight
With shops on both sides
We’d soon see that the spending had risen

This solution will keep everyone happy
Princes Street with not one side but two
We’ll all be well off
With the postcards we sell of
Scotland’s best known landmark with a great river view!